Jan 2 suicidal ideations again

I am becoming more and more anxious to the point that I am consistently thinking about suicide.  Denise doesn't understand and she never will. I really do not want to do it, but it just keeps coming back into my head. I cannot stop it, and I don't know where to turn. I am actually becoming fearful for myself. I will never hurt my family or anyone else in the  process, but it is truly beginning to overwhelm me.