It sucks that I sometimes have to self-inflict pain so that I can feel better. What's even worse is that my family has to endure it also. I find myself wondering whether or not I am doing them any good by being here and intruding on their lives. I find myself wondering if it wouldn't be better if I was just gone. It is hard to live like this, with this overwhelming sense of sadness. I can only imagine the torture I put my family through.